A Day in the Life of a Redshirt
by Borg 2 of 10
Summary: Set two days after the tribble infestation on Deep Space K-7. They are lowly redshirted crewmembers, their destinies to be fulfilled when they beam down with a landing party to a planet with potentially dangerous inhabitants. So what would they know, or be able to contribute to the Federation, or even the Enterprise on that note? Anyway...


**_A/N: There are two things I love most in life: Tribbles and Redshirt jokes. Thank you to my maths teacher for not noticing me writing some of this in his lesson (come on, it's maths! it's so boring!) I can't help noticing that I actually write better than I talk, and when you read this and notice the poor quality of my writing, you could imagine me trying not to fall flat on my face when trying to sound clever and ending up sounding like a parrot that can't talk. Heh..._**

 ** _BUT ANYWAYS... Enjoy the fic (but not if you don't want to), read "Tribble Fight" if You want to understand why in the name of Surak I called Chekov's tribble Mr Snoodles (Again, but don't if you don't want to), and if you have so much time on your hands you want to read EVEN MORE of that story, check out "Maybe That Tribble Fight Wasn't Such A Good Idea After All" and "Damn it, Jim!" YAY! SO MUCH TRIBBLE FLUFF! And review if you want to. Reviews make you fabulous. I f you don't want to be fabulous, then they don't, but you get an invisible packet of chocolate and a boarding pass for the next shuttle headed to Risa. *hands you a handwritten ticket with a smiley face on it signed by moi*_**

 ** _Omg, I should really stop talking. AND ON WITH THE FANFICTION!_**

 ** _Ensign Gonnadie's personal log, stardate 4575.3_**

It's been two days since the ship went back to (relatively) normal after the tribble infestation. Lieutenant Restinpeace told me that Mr Scott beamed the little things onto a Klingon ship before they went to warp. I was at the bar yesterday on Deep Space Station K-7 when there was a fight, and I was lucky to get out alive. Maybe I should have changed my security officer's uniform for something safer to earlier that day, but I can't do anything to change that now. I'm just glad that it's the last thing we see of the Klingons, for now anyway.

When the alpha shift left the bridge (they had been the first to find out what had happened to those troublesome tribbles), Lieutenant Uhura went straight to her quarters and hasn't come out since. She REALLY liked that first one. I'm not sure why the Captain didn't let her keep it, he let Ensign Chekov keep Mr Snoodles. But I am a lowly redshirt, my destiny to be fulfilled when I beam down with the landing party tomorrow to a planet with potentially dangerous inhabitants. So what would I know, or be able to contribute to the Federation, or even the Enterprise on that note? Anyway, Chekov hasn't even let Mr Snoodles out of his sight. According to Janice, he's worried that the thing will get lost, eat too much, and then he won't be able to find it for ages. I can't blame him really, six redshirts have died slipping on tribble poo in these last few days. I don't think we'll have any security officers left by the end of the five year mission at this rate.

 ** _Lieutenant Restinpeace's personal log, stardate 4575.6_**

Gonnadie's been acting weird since that bar brawl with the Klingons. It's not just him, either. Ensign Chekov got a bruise and didn't die! What treachery is this?! Maybe I can find out tomorrow, Chekov and Gonnadie are both on the landing party and, if he survives, Gonnadie just might be able to ask him how he manages it. He's always bruising himself or falling over. Unless he's got that mythical immune system thing, that shouldn't be possible! Nobody I know has survived what that kid has! Then again, the only people I really know are in security with me.

After Mr Scott beamed all but one of the tribbles to Koloth's ship (He couldn't get Chekov to hand over Mr Snoodles), I caught up with Gonnadie in the rec room. I think he's nervous about the landing party, but who can blame him? I would be too. After all, we are lowly red shirted crewmembers, our destinies to be fulfilled the next time we beam down with a landing party to a planet with potentially dangerous inhabitants. So what would we know, or be able to contribute to the Federation, or even the Enterprise on that note? Anyway...

I'm a bit worried about Lieutenant Uhura. After laughing on the Bridge with the rest of the shift, she left for her quarters and hasn't come out. Thinking about it now, her laugh was way too fake. And she didn't talk for the rest of the shift. But oh well, she's on the landing party too. She'll come out of there sooner or later, she has to. So why worry?

 ** _Ensign MaCorpse's personal log, stardate 4576.4_**

We lost Lieutenant Restinpeace today. He stubbed his toe on a chair, then went into cardiac arrest. Doctor McCoy did everything he could, but he didn't pull through. I was there with Gonnadie when they threw him out the airlock. It wasn't very different to any other deaths of security personnel; they pushed him in, closed the door then watched as he was sucked out into Space. As I said, not very different to any other funeral for security personnel.

On a brighter note, the Captain has assigned me to the landing party today! It's the first time I'm beaming down to a planet other than Earth since the Academy! For some reason Ensign Gonnadie is terrified about it, keeps saying that it's a one-way trip for us. I don't get it. Are we getting posted there? Are a few others coming too and starting up a colony with us? I thought the planet was already inhabited. He needs to calm down a bit, it's not like we're going to die down there. He keeps telling me that we are lowly redshirts, our destinies to be fulfilled in a few hours when we beam down with the landing party to a planet with potentially dangerous inhabitants. So what would he know, or I know, or be able to contribute to the Federation, or even the Enterprise on that note? See what I mean? He's paranoid. Mr Scott and Lieutenant Uhura wear red shirts, and they've beamed down to a planet before. And they're still breathing. I think I'm going to grab a coffee before I beam down, so for now, Ensign MaCorpse out.

 ** _Ensign Gonnadie's personal log, stardate 4756.8_**

Rest in peace, Ensign MaCorpse. You were a good friend. And you were the one who died, not me.

 ** _Ensign Inacoffin's personal log, stardate 4757.2_**

After losing two security officers in the space of 24 hours, the Captain has ordered that all security personnel are to be briefed in Health and Safety. I just think it's to make sure no more security officers die before the end of the week. But then again, why would he care about security officers? After all, we are lowly red shirted crewmembers, our destinies to be fulfilled when we beam down to a planet with potentially dangerous inhabitants. So what would we know, or be able to contribute to the Federation, or even the Enterprise on that note? My point is, I don't even see why he's bothering. He knows that there hasn't been a security officer in history that has survived to be a higher rank than Lieutenant Commander. But it's not like it's dangerous. What's the worst that could happen?

 ** _Chief Medical Officer's log, stardate 4757.6_**

Ensign Gonnadie and Ensign Inacoffin. They're dead, Jim! They, quite literally, died of boredom. What the hell were you thinking when you planned a briefing for the security officers? Since when did you care about them? "Security Officer" is just another way to say "They're expendable!" If you're that worried about running out by the end of the mission, get the ACME ones where you just add water. Poof! Redshirt! Now Deadshirt! And what were you thinking when you left me to sort the details out? Damn it, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a coroner!


End file.
